“A century ago, a promise and a handshake was as good as a legally binding agreement. Nothing was stronger than saying, “You have my word.” There was a sacred quality to one’s word that was not taken as lightly as it is today. Back then breaking a promise was no small transgression. Today, talk is cheap and a promise is not necessarily a promise” says Mark Putnam. Unfortunately for some a promise is just a word and a word is nothing more than a small wind. Today we are so used to watching commercials and politicians that give false hopes and promises that it does not surprise us when they fail to keep their promises.
Making promises that we cannot keep is not just limited to the commercial or political world, it has become an acceptable behavior in almost all kinds of human relationships. We are so used to the trend of breaking promises that we are taught to always have a backup plan. At the outset breaking a promise may not look very dangerous or serious, but it does have some serious ramifications. Herbert Agar says “ “Civilization rests on a set of promises; if the promises are broken too often, the civilization dies, no matter how rich it may be, or how mechanically clever. Hope and faith depend on the promises; if hope and faith go, everything goes.”
Making promises that we cannot keep is not just limited to the commercial or political world, it has become an acceptable behavior in almost all kinds of human relationships.
A promise is defined as “a declaration that something will or will not be done, or an express assurance on which expectation is to be based.” Keeping a promise is a personal obligation for every human being, it is an assurance we give each other that every effort in our ability will be made to fulfill our commitments. Lewis Smedes says “When a person makes a promise, she reaches out into an unpredictable future and makes one thing predictable: she will be there even when being there costs her more than she wants to pay. When a person makes a promise, he stretches himself out into circumstances that no one can control and controls at least one thing: he will be there no matter what the circumstances turn out to be. With one simple word of promise, a person creates an island of certainty in a sea of uncertainty.”
Every time we break a promise we leave a scar (painful memory) that will make it difficult for the other person to trust us.
Since a promise creates an artificial world of certainty it raises the hopes and expectations of the one to whom you promised. People tend to build imaginary castles that hang on your ability to keep your promise and when you fail to keep your promise it not only shatters their castles but also their ability to trust you for any future dreams. Every time we break a promise we leave a scar (painful memory) that will make it difficult for the other person to trust us. However in life we will run into situations when we cannot keep our promise for some inevitable reasons, in such situations it is very important for us to get back to the person, apologize and if necessary explain why we failed to keep our promise, this shows how much we value our promises and care for the person.
Breaking a promise is understandable but if it becomes a pattern, it is a serious problem. Author Elaine Sihera says “when there is a definite pattern in breaking promises it suggests three things: 1. That the person to whom the promise is made is not really a priority in the scheme of things; not as valued as others. 2. That the person making the promise is trying to please too many people at once, perhaps to impress, but failing miserably. 3. That the promise itself is not perceived as important enough to be kept.” Making promises may make you feel better and may even boost your ego for your ability to ‘be the man’ all the time, but we have to remember that people are dangling their hopes on our ability to keep our promises. It is devastating to use promises just to please people, or escape from the pressure of the moment, this will eventually shatter the very relationship we were trying to protect.
The wise man says “It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it” (Eccl 5:5). Proverbs 20:25 says “An impulsive vow is a trap; later you’ll wish you could get out of it.” Let us refrain from promising unless we are serious to follow through. As parents sometimes we promise things to our children just to stop them from annoying us, but each time we fail to keep our promises we are disqualifying ourselves from being trusted. Although circumstances beyond our control may get in the way each of us need to do our best to fulfill our promises. David promised that he would show kindness to Jonathan’s descendants (I Sam 20) before he became a king, and as soon as he was installed a king he searched for Jonathan’s relatives and kept his promise (2 Sam 9). Despite the fact that Saul threatened to kill David for several years and Jonathan was dead, David still kept his promise because he valued and cared to keep his promise.
Each time we fail to keep our promises we are disqualifying ourselves from being trusted.
– – Author: Rev. Francis Burgula – –
